Hello, my faithful blog readers! I apologize that it's been 3 weeks since I last wrote--time FLIES here! So, I guess the biggest news in my life right now is that I applied for a job with Enfoque a la Familia and got an interview, but they didn't end up offering me the job. However, I'm still going to volunteer with them once a week for a couple hours until my time at FLI is over! :)
But, please pray for wisdom because my internship supervisor approached me last week with an opportunity to work in the Direct Marketing department in Focus, so I'll be applying for that this week! Who knows?? I might be moving here!! :)
(Pray my mom and dad don't freak out...lol)
Speaking of my family, they'll be here tomorrow for Spring Break--I'm SO excited! I have a FULL schedule of events for us to do this week and I can't wait to get started! Please pray they have a wonderful time here and that they don't get altitude sickness :)
So, on to my favorite class: Marriage and Family Studies! I cannot believe how much I've learned in this class! By splitting up the material according to the different books we've read, I'm going to TRY to summarize the main things I've learned over the past 2 months, so here we go...
Sacred Marriage (by Gary Thomas--the guy we met on the set of "Your Family Live")
The main idea of this book is that God actually created marriage to make us more holy, not just happy. Most men and women who get married today do so primarily because they want to make themselves happier. So, when they no longer feel that "on cloud 9" feeling inside, they just end the marriage and move on. This will never bring either person fulfillment or satisfaction, and will definitely not make them more holy, like the Lord desires.
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Why Marriage Matters (by Glenn Stanton)
This book objectively shows why marriage is not just one of many valid relational options by providing statistics that prove heterogeneous marriage is healthier physically, emotionally, and psychologically overall than divorce, cohabitation, or homosexuality. For example, statistics show that divorce rates, risk of domestic abuse, and risk of infidelity all increase when a couple cohabits before or instead of marrying. Also, studies show that married people are healthier because an actual benefit exists in permanent, married relationships. Basically, marriage provides emotional and physical protection from the hardships and pressures of everyday life. Many people today look at marriage as an unnecessary burden. Yet, if a man and woman create a godly marriage together, the relationship won’t be a burden, but a refuge!
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The Most Important Year in a Man's Life/The Most Important Year in a Woman’s Life (by Mark & Susan Devries and Robert & Bobbie Wolgemuth)
This book is split in half--one half is for the groom and the other half is for the bride. It offers such great advice about married life--especially for couples within the first few years of marriage, when both are trying to adjust to this radically new way of living. This book made me consider for the first time that at the root of many marital issues is the simple difference between what the man and woman consider to be “normal.” You can discern so much about a person’s lifestyle preferences by asking about their parents’ and grandparents’ 1) marriage, 2) method of dealing with conflict, and 3) spiritual life. Often the root of a marital conflict isn’t the surface issue at hand; it’s the different lifestyle patterns that the man and woman were raised in. Many times, the conflict could be resolved if the couple simply stepped out of the boxing ring and each defined what he or she thinks is a “normal” response or solution to the situation and why. Understanding the various patterns in your husband or wife's family of origin is so important, yet so few couples ever talk about them.
I loved the three “Can Openers to Your Husband’s Soul” that the book's female authors detailed: 1) Conversational clarity 2) Third-object conversation 3) Pillow talk. #1 and #3 are pretty obvious, but you might be wondering what "third-object conversation" means. Basically, in general, men prefer to be engaging in some sort of activity while they’re getting to know another person. Therefore, wives must be sensitive to that and plan fun adventures to take with their husband—a strategy which very well may produce great conversation.
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Holding Hands, Holding Hearts (by Rick Phillips, who is actually the senior minister of Second Presbyterian Church in Greenville!)
In our class on dating, we discussed this book along with the Triarchic Research on Love, which argues that true lifelong love is a delicate balance between intimacy, passion, and commitment. Many girls offer too much intimacy before commitment and end up getting their hearts broken. It is common today for a girl to offer intimacy to get commitment from her boyfriend, while the boy will offer fake commitment in order to get intimacy from his girlfriend. God doesn't want us to give intimacy without commitment in order to protect our hearts from unnecessary grief and pain. This showed me yet another way that God has my best in mind when He created rules and guidelines for me to live by. One thought in the book that had never occurred to me before was that, as a redeemed woman of God, I should make it a primary goal that my boyfriend will be spiritually stronger by having been in a relationship with me, even if we don't end up getting married. Wow! How many couples date with that goal in mind?
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In one class, we addressed the topics of conflict and communication. To be honest, I was not looking forward to this class at all. We took a Conflict Inventory test and I scored very high on Accommodating, which I could’ve predicted before I even took the test. I have struggled with avoiding conflict my entire life. Whenever I’m faced with a conflict, my tendency is to discount my own emotions and concede completely to the other person’s wishes and desires in order to maintain harmony in the relationship. I know this approach to conflict is very dangerous and harmful in a marital relationship, and over the past year or so, God has brought it to my attention and has been helping me break free from it. College life has provided me with plenty of opportunities to confront others in a loving way instead of avoiding the conflict altogether. I'm getting better, but I still have a long way to go...good thing our God is so patient. :)
Overall, this class has been so wonderful and eye-opening for me. It's taught by an older husband and wife and they do such a great job conveying godly advice for marriage, parenting, singleness, and dating. They're so open and honest about the successes and failures within their own marriage as well. What a blessing they have been to me! :)
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